Is Your Marriage Sexless? Let's Talk About Why the Spark Fades

Let’s be real for a moment. When was the last time you and your spouse were truly intimate? And no, I don’t just mean sleeping in the same bed or giving a quick peck on the cheek before rushing off to work. I mean real, passionate connection.

If you have to think too hard about the answer, you might be in a sexless marriage.

It’s a heavy term, isn't it? It sounds final. But the truth is, this is an incredibly common issue, especially here in Singapore. We’re often so busy chasing careers, managing households, and raising children that our romantic lives take a backseat. But while we might joke about being "too tired," the silence in the bedroom can become deafening.

You aren't the only one feeling this distance, and it’s time we stopped whispering about it and started understanding what is actually going on.

The Myth of the "Low Libido" Wife

There is a tired, old stereotype that needs to retire: the idea that women naturally lose interest in sex once they get married or have kids. Pop culture loves to paint the picture of the husband constantly chasing his wife while she claims she has a headache.

But that’s often far from the truth.

In reality, many women have a very high libido. They crave connection, touch, and intimacy just as much as men do. The desire hasn't disappeared; it has often just gone into hibernation because the environment for it to thrive has vanished. When a woman feels emotionally disconnected or taken for granted, her body often hits the brakes, even if her drive is still there.

When the Effort Stops, the Intimacy Follows

So, if the desire is there, where is the disconnect?

For many couples, the dry spell starts when the courtship ends. Remember when you were dating? The texts during the day, the planned dates, the compliments, the effort to look good for each other. That energy creates anticipation.

In many sexless marriages, the husband simply stops putting in that effort. He stops "dating" his wife. The relationship shifts from romantic partners to efficient roommates who coordinate schedules and pay bills.

When a husband stops communicating or making his wife feel seen and desired, sex becomes a chore rather than a connection. It’s hard to switch gears from feeling like a household manager to a passionate lover in the span of five minutes just because the lights went out. Intimacy is a slow burn that starts outside the bedroom, often with communication and small gestures of affection.

The Silent Stress of Rejection

This lack of intimacy isn't just awkward; it’s actually harmful. We aren't wired to live without touch or emotional closeness.

Living in a sexless marriage creates a unique kind of chronic stress. It fosters feelings of rejection, inadequacy, and loneliness. When you feel unwanted by the one person who promised to love you, it takes a toll on your mental and physical health.

This emotional void can lead to increased anxiety and even depression. It’s a heavy weight to carry around every day, pretending everything is fine while you feel invisible in your own home.

Rebuilding the Bridge

If you are reading this and nodding your head, know that it doesn't have to be this way forever. The first step is acknowledging that the lack of sex is a symptom, not just the problem itself.

It requires breaking the silence. It means having that difficult, honest conversation about how the lack of effort is impacting the relationship. It’s about bringing back the "dating" phase—communicating, listening, and prioritizing each other again.

You deserve a marriage that feels alive, not just functional.